Self Love and The Muslimah 1

Salam Alaikum
I hear and read stories about women who stay in abusive relationships i.e. marriages, friendship. It sometimes makes me wonder if we truly love ourselves. Why do we accept abuse if we love our-self? Having little or no self-love isn’t uncommon among Muslim women, we might not necessarily talk about it, but this affects us.

Allah says: “And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with [definite] preference.” [Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 70]

Self-love refers to the act of valuing one’s own happiness and well-being. Self-love is a kind of acceptance that can be described as an unconditional sense of support, caring and a core of compassion for the self. It might also be considered a willingness to meet personal needs, allow non-judgmental thinking, and view the self as essentially worthy, good, valuable, and deserving of happiness.
Some individuals may believe that they are unworthy of love due to a lack of success in their chosen professional field, or certain personal characteristics that they perceive to be negative or flawed. Trouble with relationships (marital, friendship, family) may also lead some to feel as if they may never experience close friendship or love, which can lead to spiraling negative thoughts that have negative effect on the ability to love the self

Why Is Self-Love Important?
Self-love is an important component of self-esteem and overall well-being. It is generally difficult, to feel content without first being able to love and accept the self. Researchers have discovered that the practice of self-love is associated with a multitude of benefits, such as greater life satisfaction, increased happiness, and greater resilience.
People with high levels of self-compassion have been shown to often be able to overcome difficult life events, such as divorce, with more ease than those who are harder on themselves. The ability to affirm oneself has also been associated with improved problem-solving abilities and decreased procrastination
The risk of developing mental health issues such as depression, anxiety can also be decreased through the practice of self-love. This practice can also increase one’s optimism and may be helpful for stress reduction, especially in the face of various life challenges.

Self-love can also lead to improved relationships. And research has shown that practicing self-love and self-compassion is likely to improve well-being in the context of interpersonal relationships. People who have self-compassion and practice self-love generally report feeling happier and more authentic in their relationships, and thus, they may be better able to assert their needs and opinions. Further, those who practice kindness and compassion on a personal level first may be better able to show kindness and compassion to others and are generally more likely to do so, as the ability to care for and love one’s self generally indicates that one will experience a greater capacity to love and care for others.
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfilment through our own efforts.

Self-love is not narcissism
Self-confidence is not arrogance
Self-esteem is not pride

As mothers, we are responsible for instilling confidence, self-esteem and self-love in our kids, when we abuse them (emotionally or physically) we are stripping of the fiber of their being and this could lead either to an inferiority or superiority complex or other emotional problems, If you do not love yourself, how then do you instil this concept into your kids?

Reference:
http://www.goodtherapy.com

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